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Let’s Try…

January 4, 2011

Okay forget the anger.  It is a burden that only gets heavier.  How do we start healing?

1) What do you think of this idea?  Let’s devote part of each school day, from K through college, to helping students process the challenges they faced that day.  Did Johnny pull Suzie’s hair on the playground?  What happened?  How does everyone feel?  The mental health group experience is very powerful.  Once trust develops, empathy begins.  Want to ease tensions in Palestine?  Get small groups of people from opposing sides together.  Let them tell their stories to each other.  Watch them realize that their enemy shares their grief.   If children learn to express their anger immediately and appropriately during groups, how likely is it that rage can develop?  Young college men that feel connected to their female peers will not rape them.  Young women that feel safe with their male peers will not ostracize them.

2) Does anyone out there know how to forgive?  I don’t mean saying I forgive you to someone in a show of moral superiority.  I don’t mean daily giving up your anger to God, whatever that means.  No, I mean does anyone know how to just wipe the slate clean?  If not, why do we keep telling people to forgive when nobody can really manage it?  If so, those of you that know how, need to teach the rest of us how, because we are really slowing down progress.  So I say let’s forget turning the other cheek.  Don’t get me wrong it is a great idea and everything.  Most of us just can’t pull it off with any regularity unless we have no choice.  Let’s try redressing wrongs when we see them.  Let’s do it on our own, not wait for the state.  Every single one of you know a child in need.  When you allow that child to suffer in silence, please, don’t be surprised when he joins a gang.  Start speaking up when you see something wrong.  Keep taking your swings.

3) Let’s start applying a little self honesty.  Two examples:

Men notice when girls start turning into young women.  You know dads, that is about the time you start shoving your daughters off your lap with no explanation.  Good for you, not the best response but better than some.  Why don’t we talk about this?  Not talking leads us into all kinds of foolishness.  For starters, everyone feels alone and perverse when they experience these taboo arousals.  Add a little shame and you have the starter kit for a sex offender.

Women, you feel angry sometimes, right?  Hurting someone isn’t always the hardest thing to do, is it?  Your men will respect a blunt show of anger much more than martyrdom or endless memory.  [note: I’m talking here about secure guys, not wife beaters.]

Okay that’s mine, anyone else?

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From → Rape Culture

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